Pandemonium In the Bathroom
by Alseides XIII
Summary: Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings Crossover. Odd. This is what happens when you lock characters from both books/movies in a bathroom together. What to Expect? Reincarnations? Truth or Dare? Blank Stares? Please (if possible) R&R.


It was three o'clock in the morning and there was pandemonium in the bathroom at Number Twelve. Alseides was the first one in the bathroom; now there are four: Alseides, Harry, Lupin, and Boromir. As you can probably tell, things are going to get a little freaky in this bathroom, so I advise you to watch out.  
  
Alseides = So. I am assuming the door is locked and cannot open the door from the inside, seeing as though the three of you are still here bothering me, except perhaps Lupin.  
  
Lupin = Yes, I am the favorite. The nice one, not stupid, bothersome, or corrupted.  
  
Alseides = Sure. Well then, anyone up for a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos? *looks around anxiously*  
  
Harry = No! Not that ruddy game again! *eyes the Hungry Hungry Hippos box on top of the toilet with fear*  
  
Alseides = Shut up Harry! Everyone knows that you're just scared. You know. now that I think about it, you're acting a lot like Frodo. What a wimp!  
  
Harry = Who the heck is Frodo?  
  
Boromir = *muttering under breath* Stupid halfling. The Ring should have been mine.  
  
Alseides = Your hobbit twin. Now shut your mouth! *Harry shuts up at last* Any takers?  
  
All = *Shake heads* Nope.  
  
Alseides = Well, that's too bad, because I'm bored. Stupid man and hobbit- like wimp.  
  
Lupin = Ahem. I am a man. I was under the impression that I am your "favorite".  
  
Alseides = Well, you're not really a m-  
  
Lupin = Ahem.  
  
Alseides = Scratch that. Don't worry, you're still my favorite. And- your being my favorite, you can decide how to eliminate these two.  
  
Lupin = *Wow. she picked me.* Though I have another IDEA. Does Truth or Dare sound amusing to you?  
  
Alseides = Very. I'm amazed at how you can think under pressure. Great IDEA, by the way.  
  
Lupin = *smiles charming smile* It shall be very amusing with these, er, phalanges.  
  
Alseides = *cracking up at the word "phalange", ignoring Harry and Boromir now staring at her*  
  
Lupin = *smiles again* Who wants to go first?  
  
Harry and Boromir = Me! Me! Me!  
  
Lupin = Er. Boromir. And. *pulls bottle out from behind him* .this will be the device that decides the turns.  
  
Boromir = What do I do?  
  
Lupin = Spin it.  
  
*Boromir spins the bottle. It lands on Harry.*  
  
Boromir = So. Mister Harry, what do I do?  
  
Harry = Not telling. Ask Lupin, he seems to know it all.  
  
Lupin = That is Master Lupin to you, wimp. And, Boromir, ask him "Truth or Dare?"  
  
Boromir = *uneasily* Truth or dare?  
  
Harry = er. truth.  
  
Boromir = .  
  
Alseides = *laptikureom wotx* Ask him something already, idiot!  
  
Boromir = Which in the company do you find most attractive?  
  
Harry = Darn, I saw that movie. Does it have to be in the company?  
  
Boromir = Well. no.  
  
Harry = Alrighty, then. Theoden.  
  
Boromir, Alseides, and Lupin = WHAT!!!???  
  
Boromir = I thought it'd be me for sure.  
  
*Alseides and Lupin exchange glances*  
  
Lupin = I should've known. *shakes head in disgust*  
  
Alseides = If that dyke wasn't blocking the toilet, I'd puke.  
  
Just then, Lupin was hit in the back with the door as it opened and in came none other than *drum roll* Severus! The door automatically closes.  
  
Lupin = Ow!  
  
Harry and Boromir = Who the heck is Severus?  
  
But Lupin had unfortunately discovered the slimeball who was responsible for his injury.  
  
Lupin = YOU!!!  
  
Severus = YOU!!!  
  
Harry and Boromir = Who???  
  
Alseides = Snape. Or shall I say-  
  
Severus = DON"T SAY THE NAME!!! DON"T SAY THE NAME!!!  
  
Lupin = Snivellus. That is how he shall be known from now on.  
  
Snivellus = NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alseides = Good work, Lupin.  
  
Harry: This must be what they call "Ultimate Suffering".  
  
Boromir = No. Losing the chance to bear the Ring is Ultimate Suffering. *goes into another episode* The ring should have been mine. I mean, I am Ezish, I am the Ez of Gondor! But noooo. that accursed halfling. it went to him. ARGH! *buries face in hands*  
  
Alseides = *watching Boromir* Poor Aragorn, having to be related to him.  
  
Snivellus = NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alseides = Lupin, would you be so kind as to shut him up? It would be greatly appreciated and we would be able to finish this game.  
  
Snivellus = Game? What game? I love games!  
  
Harry = That shut him up.  
  
Alseides = Wow. You're very observant. Now, Snivellus, we are playing Truth or Dare and it is Lupin's turn.  
  
Snivellus = Yippee!!! I play this with Flitwick all the time!!! There are a lot things you wouldn't know about him!!!  
  
Alseides = I'm sure there are. *leans over to Lupin and says quietly* Seems as if his little, er, passtime surpasses his hatred for The Name.  
  
Lupin = Seems so.  
  
*He spins. It lands on Alseides.*  
  
Lupin = Truth or dare?  
  
Alseides = Truth. I haven't done it in a while.  
  
Harry = COPYCATER!!!  
  
Snivellus = Shut up, Harry. I'm afraid that was a bad choice.  
  
Alseides = How do you know?!  
  
Snivellus = Because I do. You'll find out soon, anyhow.  
  
Lupin = Er, .Alseides, um, well.  
  
Snivellus = Spit it out, Lupin.  
  
Lupin = *very quickly* If-I-asked-you-to-go-out-wit-me-will-you?  
  
Alseides = *blank stare* What?  
  
Snivellus = He wants to know if you'd go out with him.  
  
Lupin = You know this? How?  
  
Snivellus = Oooh! I know this one! Oh yes. I have seen it.  
  
Boromir = So you have seen my movie too, then?  
  
Snivellus = No.  
  
Lupin = How?  
  
Snivellus = I have my ways. Now, Alseides, this is your cue to answer.  
  
Alseides = Who appointed you the boss?!  
  
Snivellus = I did.  
  
Alseides = Right. Lupin, I sort of have a boyfriend at the moment, but I'll keep you in mind.  
  
Lupin = *smiles charming smile again* Can I ask you another question?  
  
Snivellus = CHEATER!!!  
  
Alseides = *punches Snivellus, knocking him out for a short period of time* Um, sure.  
  
Lupin = Do you have a Band-Aid?  
  
Alseides = No. What for?  
  
Harry = He's bleeding.  
  
Alseides = I've already told you that you're very observant. Shut up and help the Ez of Gondor get through his ring episode. Remember, No CPR!  
  
Harry = Aw, darn.  
  
Alseides = This is a bit odd, being locked in a bathroom without a Band- Aid, don't you think? I wonder if this was planned. Okay, where's the blood?  
  
Lupin = On my back. That evil git Snivellus did it. *He snorted* And I don't think Sirius usually keeps Muggle items stored in his bathroom.  
  
Alseides = Yeah, I could've guessed...  
  
Lupin = What? It isn't that bad is it?  
  
Alseides = You're bleeding to death!  
  
Lupin = So that's why I hurt so much.  
  
Harry = That's obvious.  
  
Alseides = I thought I told you to shut up.  
  
Harry = You did. But, Boromir's back, and It seems he has a serious phobia over blood.  
  
*Boromir is now changing shape*  
  
Alseides = At least he's out of his episode.  
  
Lupin = In case you haven't noticed, I'm dying over here, so do as Alseides says and shut your mouth.  
  
Harry = If you're a wizard, why don't you heal yourself?  
  
Lupin = That would be a great IDEA, only I don't have a wand!  
  
Alseides = Snivellus doesn't seem to have one either.  
  
They all become quiet as they heard odd noises coming from the shower.  
  
Harry = Did you hear that?  
  
*Alseides and Lupin silently nod*  
  
Alseides = Well scince Lupin is bleeding to death, I suppose I'll have to go take a look.  
  
Just then, Ole/Ez Hunter Me steps out of the shower, looking really ticked off.  
  
Alseides = Me!  
  
Harry = Who the heck is Me? *Everyone completely ignores him*  
  
Me = Goten!  
  
Harry = Who the heck is Goten?  
  
Alseides = I happen to be Goten.  
  
Harry = Hang on. I thought you were Alseides.  
  
Alseides = I can have more than one alias, you know.  
  
Harry = So you mean to say you're two people at the same time? Wicked.  
  
*Alseides rolls her eyes*  
  
Me = *looking around* Why are you in a bathroom with these oles?  
  
Alseides = And the Ez. Don't forget the Ez. Boromir admitted that he was the Ez of Gondor. And Lupin isn't an ole, he's my friend.  
  
Me = Ah. It looks to me as if he's bleeding to death.  
  
Alseides = I'd noticed. Hey, Guess what? He asked me out.  
  
Me = W HAT!!!??? *Now looking at Lupin as if he was more insane than Goten was.*  
  
Alseides = I told him I'd call him if I was desperate.  
  
Sounds from the shower become noticeable.  
  
Me = I'd better take care of that.  
  
Alseides = Oi! I'm coming, too!  
  
They slide open the door to the shower. Mad-Eye Moody and Meriadoc Brandybuck were inside, both badly bruised.  
  
Harry = Who the heck is Mad-Eye Moody?  
  
Snivellus = *regaining consciousness* He's an Auror. And a stinkin' filthy-  
  
Alseides = Hobbit?  
  
Snivellus = No. Defense Against The Dark Arts Teacher-Position-Stealer.  
  
*Alseides and Me exchange glances as they try to keep straight faces. It doesn't work.*  
  
Harry = Oh. Who the heck is Meriadoc Brandybuck?  
  
Me = Brandybuck of Buckland. Or a "stinkin' filthy hobbit" as Goten and I know him.  
  
Harry = Oh.  
  
Alseides = What's going on?  
  
Me = I was getting ready to plungitize that stinkin' filthy hobbit and then this-  
  
Alseides = Phalange?  
  
Me = Umm. yeah. So then he came in and made me stop the plungitazation!  
  
Alseides = WHAT!!!???  
  
Me = Yeah. And then we somehow got transported here .without the plungitizer. So, the least I could do would be to beat them both up.  
  
Alseides = Good work. *They do the not-so-secret Ole/Ez Hunter high five, and say "Ow!"*  
  
Lupin = Help. me. please. I'm. dying.  
  
Alseides = Mad-Eye Moody! You have a wand, help him!  
  
Moody = Nope. Not listening.  
  
Alseides = Alastor!  
  
Moody = Nooooo! Not the name! No! Ah, yes, how may I help you?  
  
Alseides = Help Lupin. Now.  
  
Me = Well, they certainly call him "mad" for a reason.  
  
Moody = Petrificus Totalus!!!  
  
*Lupin's body gose rigid*  
  
Moody = Sorry, wrong spell.  
  
Harry = It's Wingardium Leviosa! It's Wingardium Leviosa!  
  
Moody = Wingardium Leviosa!!!  
  
*nothing happens*  
  
Moody = Wingardium Leviosa! Wingardium Leviosa! Wingardium Leviosa!  
  
* Lupin blows up*  
  
Alseides = NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry = More 'Ultimate Suffering'.  
  
Moody = S-sorry, p-please don't h-hurt me.  
  
Me = Look on the bright side, at least you never have to worry about going out with him.  
  
Alseides = NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry = When will it ever end? *throws up hands dramatically*  
  
Alseides = F-first S-Sirius and n-now him. s-soon all my f-friends will be.  
  
Harry = You're developing Quirrel-itis!  
  
Me = You know, you're awfully annoying. Shut up, or else!  
  
Harry = You're not my master! I won't shut up! You shut up!  
  
*She chucks a shoe at him*  
  
Me = That shut you up.  
  
Snivellus = Now, let's eliminate him!!!  
  
Alseides = YEA!!!  
  
Moody = *whimpers*  
  
Snivellus = Eliminate that stinkin' filthy Defense Against The Dark Arts Teacher-Position-Stealer!!! 


End file.
